The Apartment
by Taki-kun
Summary: Cid and Vincent are roommates. Best Friends. But neither could anticipate what would happen. AU, OOC, Shounen-Ai in later chapters. Rated for Cid and his dirty mouth. Main pairing VincentxCid, side servings of SephirothxCloud, ZackxAeris in the future.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VII. If I did, it would be called Final Fantasy XXX and contain mass nudity.

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Cid and Vincent are roommates. Best Friends. But neither could anticipate what would happen.

Warnings: AU, Oneshot, OOC, Crack, Human Vincent, Cid Swearing, Shounen-Ai, and a bunch of other stuff I'll add later.

~~~ = Scene change.

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"Fuck!" Cid swore, sucking his finger.

Sitting on the living room couch, Vincent grinned and replied quietly, but loud enough for Cid to hear, "Fuck Whom?"

"Shit!" Cid swore again as he bit his finger with a blush at the comment. He pulled his finger out to inspect the damage, glad that the dark haired man wasn't in the same room.

Why all this fuss? Because Cid has a crush on the dark haired pretty boy.(Hehe, pretty boy) Has for years now.

What's the problem, you say? Just the small, silly little fact that Vincent is _straight_.

Oh well. I guess this story will be about Cid and Aeris having little swearing children. And while we're at it, I guess Vincent can get a mysterious STD. Hurrah.

* * *

Far away, deep in the Nibelheim mountains, A mischievous blond pixie was watching Vincent and Cid through his magic mirror(Pfft.).

Now, this particular blond pixie was very special and important...

For he knows the entire plot. Indeed, he is hovering over the writers shoulder as we speak.

"Authoress! You have guts, thinking I will allow such pairings. And Vincent! Getting a STD? There is no way in Hell I will allow this!" He balled up his fists and glared at the authoress with a evil glint in his eye. He looked from side-to-side, checking to see if anyone was watching. Satisfied they were alone, he pulled a metal pipe from his back pocket and bashed the authoress over the head with it.

"Mwahaha. Now I control the story!!" He laughed evilly and flexed his fingers, ready to type.

He thought deeply for a moment, before speaking to no-one in particular "Lets see... Hows this..."

The sound of his laughter and the blood dripping from the authoress onto the floor echoed in the stone cave.

* * *

Satisfied that there was no real damage to his finger, Cid sighed and returned to cooking his dinner.

Bang.

He looked up for a moment, to see what had caused the sound, but saw nothing.

He shrugged, and returned to the cooking.

Fart.

He looked up again, wrinkling his noise. "Fuck that smells..."

He turned back to his cooking, again.

* * *

Back in the Nibelheim mountains, the blond pixie giggled uncontrollably and promptly fell out of his chair.

"Haha! This is so fun! What should I make them do next?"

He snickered and jumped back on his chair, not noticing the man with glinting green eyes walk out of the cave.

* * *

_3 days later (Saturday)_

"I'm going to work now, Vinnie." Cid shouted out as he walked out of their apartment and made his way towards the elevator.

Inside, Vincent simply turned on the television and watched the Advent Children movie(Haha).

Cid pressed the button and waited impatiently for the elevator.

"Fucking thing... So bloody slow..." He kicked it angrily and glared at it.

Eventually, the elevator opened to reveal a man with long silver hair. Noticing that Cid was glaring in his general direction, he promptly glared back, sending shivers down Cid's spine.

After a few moments passed the elevator doors slid shut and it continued on its way down to the bottom floor.

"Aw, fuck. I missed it." So he pressed the button and waited for the elevator to come back.

* * *

_Nibelheim Mountains_

"Heehee. Now that the blond man has went to work, I shall convert the dark haired pretty boy to our team!"

The blond pixie giggled and poofed to the real world, still blissfully unaware of the glinting mako eyes.

* * *

Poof.

Vincent blinked as a puff of smoke appeared out of no-where. Because dammit he was missing the part where Cloud smiled.

Waving his hand to clear the smoke and reaching for the remote to rewind the film, he froze when he spotted the floating pixie in front of him.

Meanwhile, the credits rolled.

_nemurenu yoru o ikutsu kazoetara ore-tachi tadoritsuku darou_

Vincent stared. The pixie stared. The credits continued playing.

_doredake no inochi nakushita toki arasoi wa owaru no darou_

Finally Vincent broke the silence. "Am I sleeping?"

_rekishi no ue wa korogaru dake no sukuenai doukeshi-tachi_

The pixie giggled. "Oh yes you are. I am just your inner pixie!"

_itsuka dareka ga itteta youni kotae wa kaze no naka_

Vincent nodded dumbly. "I figured as much. So what do you want?"

_somuketa kao o ikutsu utaretara kizukanu huriyamero no ka_

The pixie giggled again.

_dorehodo no kurushimi ni taetara egao wa ziyuu ni naru no ka_

He grew impatient. "Well?

_sabita kusari ni tsunagareta ma made mata shippo o maku no nara_

The pixie just giggled some more and continued floating.

_itsuka dareka ga itteta youni kotae wa kaze no naka_

The silence grew thicker.

_hurishiboro koe to nigirishimeru sono te de_

Vincent glared and flicked the pixie across the room into a wall.

_unmei wa kitto kawaru toki o matte iru_

"That's what you get for ignoring me! Now where's that remote...?"

_chippoke na ai no sasayaka na chikara de_

He started looking for the missing remote before he spotted it in the pixies hand."

_kanashimi wa itsumo dakareru no o matte iru_

"Don't be so mean to your inner pixie! Cause I control your life~" He giggled again.

_uso no pazuru o narabekaeteru aware na petenshi-tachi_

Vincent stood up, walked across the room and grabbed both pixie and remote.

_bukiyou sa o kiyou ni hurumau oroka na romantisuto-tachi_

"Ah! Let me go you idiot! I mean it! Let me go!"

_rekishi ga nanimo kataranaku naru sonna hi ga kuru yokan ni_

But Vincent ignored him and walked to the window.

_itsuka dareka ga itteta youni kotae wa kaze no naka_

"You are going out this window." he said and smirked sadistically.

_hurishiboro koe to nigirishimeru sono te de_

"Nooooooooooooo! I'll do anything!" the pixie shrieked and tried to pull away.

_unmei wa kitto kawaru toki o matte iru_

"Tell me why you're here" Vincent mutter and held the pixie out the window.

_chippoke na ai no sasayaka na chikara de_

"To tell you that you are gay! Gay for your best friend Cid!"

_kanashimi wa itsumo dakareru no o matte iru_

Vincent let go of both pixie and remote in shock. The credits finished.

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**A/N:** Lyrics are not mine. They are from the song called 'Calling' which I do not own.

Lyrics provided by Animelyrics at the following page(Just replace '(dot)' with '.' and '(forwardslash)' with '/':

www(dot)animelyrics(dot)com(forwardslash)anime(forwardslash)adventchildren(forwardslash)ff7calling(dot)htm

Sorry for the cliff hanger... I hope you enjoyed! Please read and review.


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